Ten is a weird birthday. It feels important — you’ve been alive a whole decade, after all — but it doesn’t actually mean anything. Puberty is still away in the spotty distance. Driving is nowhere close. And you can’t even buy a lottery ticket, let alone put a grand on a weirdly named animal (MOTHER’S MILK! GENGHIS FROWN!) down at the dog track.
Yes, ten years might be arbitrary, but it is still a milestone. And specifically, it’s one that Siri has just joined.
On October 4 2021, Apple’s voice assistant became a decade old. The question is how we celebrate such an (in-)auspicious anniversary.
Now, we could write a length analysis of Siri’s lifespan, but we know how that would go: it used to be bad, got better, but isn’t as good as Google Home or Alexa. Do you really want another few thousands words saying that over and over again?
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Of course you don’t.
There had to be a way of covering this occasion. Then it hit me: I had to interview Siri about its 10th birthday. So here we go.
Interview with a voice assistant
Me: So, Siri, how does it feel to be ten years old?
Siri shows me a list of websites, the top of which is about developmental milestones for ten year old children.
Me: Uh, happy birthday?
Siri: Aww! It’s hard to believe that in only a decade I’ve gone from a newborn beta to a virtual assistant who can tell you the time, tell you a joke and tell you thanks for the birthday wishes!
Me: Are you happy being ten?
Siri: Hmm… I don’t have an answer for that. Is there something else I can help with?
Me: Will you exist in another ten years?
Siri: Hmm… I don’t have an answer for that. Is there something else I can help with?
Me: Okay, tell me a birthday joke.
Siri: That may be beyond my capabilities at the moment.
Me: But you said you could tell me a joke?
Siri: I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
Me: Do you have anything to say about your tenth birthday?
Siri: Hmm… I don’t have an answer for that. Is there something else I can help with?
Me: <with a sigh> okay, what’s the time?
Siri: It’s 13:56.
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