In this column, âJust putting this out thereâŚ,â we write about the odd ways we engage with tech and the unpopular opinions we form about it. You can read the rest of the articles in this series here.
You can barely move for dark mode news stories these days. Gmail? Dark mode. Instagram? Testing dark mode. iPhones? Dripping in dark mode.
Itâs disgusting. And you, readers, should know better.
âOh,â you say, shuffling from foot to foot. âDisgusting? Hardly. I actually really like dark mode. It looks great.â
Oh you poor, sweet, beautiful fool. Are you the sort of person that still has a Matrix-style screensaver on your Linux desktop computer? Because thatâs what youâre communicating to me with dark mode.
âWow, thatâs not very nice,â you say, with a sharp edge to your voice. âJust because my aesthetic isnât âcoolâ doesnât mean I shouldnât be catered to. Also, it really helps when Iâm using my phone at night.â
At night! I am so, so sorry â I didnât realize you donât have any lights in your house. That must be a real struggle for you.
âNo, I mean⌠itâs for when Iâm in bed.â
Thatâs a real adult problem you have there. Death, taxes, and using your phone before sleeping, right? Your dinner parties must be a riot.
âNo need to be a dick. Yeah, whatever, I use my phone in bed. But did you know that dark mode can actually help save battery life on OLED displays?â
Truly, the argument to end all arguments. A little bit more battery life. Woo. You, my dear friend, are gonna lose your mind when you learn about external battery packs.
End scene one of âFuck Dark Modeâ
Was that back-and-forth a childish and unsubtle format to use when discussing dark mode? Fuck yeah, it was. Thatâs all dark mode deserves because thatâs all it is: childish.
When Iâve been browsing threads of people discussing why they use dark mode, more often than not it comes back to playing with their phones in the evening.
People, buy a lamp. Or stop using your phone in bed all the damn time. Itâs that simple.
Okay, disclaimer: Iâm sure there are people with eye conditions who dark mode really helps, and for that, you have my utmost sympathy. But the rest of you? Grow up.
Companies have started introducing dark mode because they know when they do, heaps of people will be all over Reddit saying things like âOMG GOOGLE YOU INTRODUCED DARK MODE, YOUâRE SO COOL, THANKS!â
If you like dark mode and post about it, youâre part of the PR machine. Youâre part of the problem. Pathetic.
To conclude: fuck you, and fuck dark mode.
This column is a part of our daily Big Spam newsletter â subscribe here!
Get the TNW newsletter
Get the most important tech news in your inbox each week.