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This article was published on June 22, 2021

Everything and everyone should be a Clubhouse clone

Turn every organ into a live audio chat

Everything and everyone should be a Clubhouse clone

Since Clubhouse launched and put all the worst parts of podcasting into one neat package, companies have been keen to cash in. Just think of the Clubhouse clones we’ve seen already.

There’s Twitter Spaces. Who could forget Reddit Talk?  Even Spotify has got on the trend with Greenroom. And, just yesterday, Facebook finally launched Live Audio Rooms.

But you know what? This isn’t enough. We need more Clubhouse clones. Everyone and everything should be a Clubhouse clone.

Friends, I don’t want to alarm you, but are you aware there are currently social apps out that exist without a live audio chat feature?

TikTok comes to mind. So does I don’t believe YouTube has one either. This is a crime. Actually, it’s worse than a crime. It’s a human rights violation. Message your local government representative and let them know that you need a Clubhouse clone on these platforms.

But we shouldn’t stop there. Oh no, not at all.

Think of all the other apps that don’t have the functionality to start live conversation rooms. It’s my goddamn right to listen to three people argue about something they clearly don’t know anything about for six hours while I’m in Google Sheets.

clubhouse clone google sheets example
I, an artist, created this glimpse into what a Clubhouse clone on Google Sheets would look like.

In fact, every bit of software in general should have a live audio chat functionality built-in. If I’m not sagely nodding along to six dudes arguing about what the best time to wake up is, am I actually logging my expenses properly? I think not.

The more I ruminate on this, the more I’m certain there needs to a Clubhouse clone in every single bit of hardware.

Pump the informative tones of straight dudes talking about trans issues into me while I’m filling up my car with fuel. Drench my brain in conversations about Bitcoin disruption while I’m taking my child to the playpark. Please, please, just let me listen to Elon Musk on the respirator that’s keeping my loved one alive.

Turn my brain into a Clubhouse clone. Replace silence with live audio chats. Blast the noise of millions of idiots chattering into space so future civilizations may know of our gift.

Clubhouse clones forever and ever, amen.

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