This gold-and-diamond-encrusted Jesus phone is the absolute most

I’ve been in this game long enough that I didn’t think anything could surprise me anymore. But I suppose I was a little wrong, because Caviar’s latest blinged-out iPhone definitely got a reaction out of me.

The phone is called the *checks notes* Credo Diamond Christmas Star iPhone 11 Pro. It’s part of a whole Credo collection, each marked with religious iconography. The Diamond Christmas star, which is an otherwise normal iPhone 11 Pro covered in 18-karat gold and a 3.05-karat diamond, is one of a kind (though it does come in Pro and Max styles).

Underneath that Popsocket of a gemstone is a carved image of the nativity, with Mary and Joseph watching over the baby Jesus. Now, I’m no theologian, but that manger looks an awful lot like a cozy little bed. Also, Jesus appears to be at least five, judging by his size.

I haven’t even mentioned the best part yet: this little piece of indulgence costs $129,050. If you go for the Pro Max, it’ll set you back $140,850. For comparison, Caviar’s 24-karat gold iPhone X with Putin’s face would “only” set you back about $5,000.

I really wish I could show you the exact face I pulled when I first laid eyes on this thing. But I can give you the next-best thing. I recently visited the Tower of London, and snapped a photo of a lion statue. This is pretty much my face upon seeing this phone:

If the diamond model is a little too rich for your blood — and let’s be real, that boujee junk is too rich for anyone’s blood, save a particularly religious Kardashian — then there are a few more reasonably priced models in the Credo collection. Well, comparatively reasonable. The sterling silver model, which replaces the diamond with the Star of Bethlehem, is $9,340. The “Glow” model made of gold and composite stone, will set you back $6,370

As with all Caviar phones, I’m not sure who’d want to buy it. Again, I’m no expert, but I’m pretty sure the Christian Bible has some pretty harsh words to say about this level of conspicuous consumption. Not that I’m judging exactly (it has harsh words about that, too) — it’s just that, if you’re looking for a Caviar phone that makes reference to Christian beliefs, I think the one from last year that depicted the temptation of Adam and Eve might suit the brand a little bit better.

But hey, I can’t say they’re not at least a little inclusive. The fourth model in the Credo collection, the Medina Nephrite, is adorned with Islamic iconography. It’s worth a cool $5,740